Auto-Confirmation

Have you felt the need to confirm? The oppressive need to be right in someone else's eyes. This is a feeling that takes out your ego and tosses it unceremoniously out the window. I always have this feeling of incompleteness, of having to confirm to others. To say yes, when I want to say NO.

Is this a common feeling or am I all alone in this? Maybe there are others. Other women. Seldom have I seen men being a Confirm freak. They have a whole society backing them up. What is right for them is right for the world. Ain't it.

Well, this time round, I have decided to turn this thing on its head and say No. Finally. I have the courage to do it. But somewhere near my ribs I get a pull, that is difficult to handle, I am lost for words and my mind becomes bemuddled. Is it normal? I ask myself. But I want to do what I want to do. Not act according to some guy's whims and fancies. Is it too much? But then, this has a root in the year 1977. Or maybe 1978. I am not sure. When the mind got the power to foresee and control the body, I have had this thing with me. Imagine carrying this thing for so many years now. A skeleton. An unwanted baggage.

So many people go through life carrying such baggages. Some small. Some big. When will we learn to unwind, remove the cobwebs and see the sunshine. I feel so small before the hugeness of this thing. This skeleton, that intends to follow me throughout my life. Maybe I could shak eit off somewhere. But will I get enough strength to do that? Will I be able to do it, ever?

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