Life Goes On...

Since the New Year, I have been in a weird mood. People who know me might nod furiously and say 'ya ya, she is like that'. Well, this is a different sort of weird. 

I feel weird enough to shun some daily habits that I had imbibed, like doing rigorous Puja or cooking elaborate meals and so on. I no longer feel pressurized to be ritualistic or appear religious. 

There is a certain waywardness in my mind. I do not feel like following certain rules. This statement might conjure up images of me cohorting with men of all hues in your mind. but, sadly, no, I do not mean promiscuity. I just mean the intense urge to just stay put and not follow any strictures or rules.   

Somewhere between the New Year and the week after I stopped my urge to cling to the belief that God will take care of me and that a benevolent God is all I need to tide over life's ups and downs, though it seemed more like a plateau and absolutely no ups. 

Do I mean the absence of an opportunity to throw an offspring …

New Year 2019 and Colette

Who watches a movie on Jan 1st?

I do. I do.

For the want of anything worthwhile to hold my attention, I got up early and after stuffing my face with an omelette and slurping some coffee, I started watching movies. I plan to watch atleast two, hence the plural usage.

I like this time of the day. Calm. Quiet. No distractions. No disturbances. No duties.

I am watching 'Colette' as I write this blog post. It is about a middle-aged writer Willy who marries a young Colette and after a while realizes that she has a natural talent for writing. I somehow felt so kicked by this whole idea, I started watching the movie, ignoring the pile of clothes lying in front of me, the ironed clothes begging to be arranged, and the maid who is showing signs of vanishing. Nada. I dont care what chores are pending. I want to watch. And I am going to watch.

Digital Detox

Came back after receiving a almost crushing verdict. But, this is not something I have not known before. My eggs. Which has a direct correlation with things like my ego, my identity, and my self esteem. 

I came back home, shed some tears, unloaded my agony on two applications and felt better after deactivating both. Whatsapp deleted, FB deactivated. Task over. Has my problem gone away? No. Its there in my head. It wont go easily. 

I have no interest in interacting with anyone. I dont have anything to say to anyone. I dont want to listen to anyone. I just want to mope. 

Why me? Why always me? 

The bitterness of my interactions has left such a deep scar that everything I touch has become bitter and venomous. I feel like a reptile sometimes. 

On top of this, I am expected to respond to two job offers. Do I even look like I care about taking either of them? I don't. This is not what I want. But, I need to. I have to. I must. But, this must is what is killing me. I tried many things. Nothin…

Table for One by Neha Bindal

Table for One was sent by the Publisher. 

The book cover looked very interesting. Also, the plot about a lone woman travelling by herself was intriguing. A very different tale where the show-don't-tell rule has not been used at all. It is written in a linear manner, which gives an impression that the author is sitting and monotonously narrating the story to an audience. 

I love travelling. I love stories for the same reason. They take me to different places, allow me to be different people. This book is apparently about Taara's journey to realize that self-love is an important aspect of life. There are times when one has to do what one does not want to. It is important to be real and honest and not succumb to external pressure and expectations. Taara's story is all about discovery. Travel to Europe with Taara and understand the importance of weaving in nuances in storytelling. On the lines of Queen, but with Europe as a backdrop, Table for One seems like a brave attempt to t…

The Pain

This pain. 
Searing through my mind, my brain, my heart, my cells. 
Scorching and unrepenting, sucking the life force out of me. 
It suffocates, holds me captive. 
I turn around to see the source of my distress. 
Inky blackness around. 
I close my eyes once, willing this to vanish. 
It remains, grinning devilishly. 
This pain. 

Wind knocked out from the body. 
Eyes poured in. 
Mind chilled with the intensity of an arctic storm. 
Heart gouged out from its place. 
What you achieve with one gaze
Strong enough to cause tsunamis
Light enough to float a feather
This pain. 

I bear it all in good grace
Grin and carry on with my head held high
Not to be knocked down by you
Not to be razen again. Again. 
This pain. 

Time is a great healer, they said. 
Time ran a smooth hand on my wounds, softening the blow you gave. 
I stood up, dusted myself, built myself.
You tore it all down, with just a gaze. The pain, that rushed into my cells. 
The pain. Of hurt, of terror, of heartbreak, of sorrow, of being pulled apart. 

Only thi…



I am going down somewhere, like Alice went down the rabbit hole
Words, I thought were my strength 
Not I realized today
No one wants to read what I write
I am becoming despondent, frustrated, disillusioned

Finding it hard to slog on, keep writing
Wonder how people keep writing in the face of such rejections

Multiple times, always...
Wonder till when

Book Review: Amulya Malladi's books

If you have ever felt consumed by the need to know more about an author or get into their minds through their writing, you would perfectly understand my situation. 

Amulya Malladi did this to me. I read all her books back to back within  couple of weeks. 

A few I downloaded using my Kindle Unlimited subscription, a couple I purchased. I was so enamored by the lady's style of writing that I just had this weird compulsion to read everything I could lay my hands on. Easy to read, laid back yet fast paced, no mincing of words, her words felt like honey after the blatant abuse my mind had undergone after reading a few pieces of total shit. 

I treated her books like little treats. To be consumed when I was down or had just completed a strenuous task. It did my spirits a lot of good. Be it "The Mango Season", "A House for Happy Mothers", "A Breath of Fresh Air", or "The Copenhagen Affair" I lapped up everything that Amulya offered. 

Each story was uni…

Book Review: The Queen of the Comeback by Nidhika Bahl

There is thing about self-help books: most of them repackage existing facts. How smartly they pull this off makes all the difference. So is the case with 'The Queen of the Comeback' by Nidhika Bahl.  

Author: Nidhika Bahl
Name of the book: The Queen of the Comeback: 7 Ways for anyone to bounce back from life's obstacles
Publisher: Black Card Books
Genre: Self-Help/Personal Growth/Success
Pages: 226

Here is what I think: 

I got this book as a review copy from the publishers in exchange for an honest review. I read this book in spurts only because that was all I could manage to do at that time. Honestly.

The book is divided into 7 chapters and the last chapter has 7 sections, each containing an inspiring tale of a survivor. Some famous names include Anurag Kashyap, Kanika Tekriwal, and Patricia Narayan.

So, after I completed Chapter 1: The Wake-Up Call, I decided to take a break. I chewed on the ideas I had just read. After a few hours, I picked up the book again and read a couple o…

Book Review: The Goat Thief by Perumal Murugan

Name: The Goat Thief
Author: Perumal Murugan
Translator: N. Kalyan Raman
Publisher: Juggernaut
Pages: 205
A lot of interest gets generated when a celebrated author comes under intense scrutiny for his ideas offered in the public arena. Media hyperventilated on the issue of Perumal Murugan's offering, One Part Woman, hurting the sentiments of a particular community.
Perumal Murugan's latest offering, The Goat Thief, translated by N. Kalyan Raman, and published by Juggernaut, is a collection of short stories. Each story is similar to a different emotion in the bouquet called life. A master storyteller, Perumal Murugan, has woven tales around household objects like a salt shaker, the rice vat, the toilet pot, and so on and engaged the reader with the finesse of a magician.
Each story is unique in presentation and relates to the mundaneness of our daily lives. Readers can relate very well to one or most stories. Like a master craftsman wielding his instrument, Perumal Murugan has…

Book Review: A Hundred Little Flames by Preeti Shenoy

Name of the book: A Hundred Little Flames
Author: Preeti Shenoy
Publisher: Westland
Pages: 400
Ease of reading: 4/5
Time to complete: 3-4 hours
Preeti Shenoy, the name invokes images of stories about women going off to complete their to-do lists, dealing with abandonment, and the usual brouhaha about worthless men and loyal wives. Preeti nailed it more than once with her heart-wrenching stories.
AHLF is the story of Aryan and his grandpa, Gopal Shanker. Aryan travels from Pune to a remote village in Kerala and starts living with Gopal. Their lives intermerge and Aryan discovers little endearing things about himself, his father, and his grumpy grandpa.
Like how old houses are built to take you on a journey to another world, in this story too, Aryan and Gopal traverse back in time to unravel certain forgotten memories. During the course of their daily conversations, Aryan discovers facets of his near and dear ones and marvels at the way relationships change once harsh truths surface.