Trials and Tribulations by Fire

I turned 39 today. A year short of a glorious 40.  In the last year, I have seen many ups and downs.  Mostly because of men/man.  Grey hair has started sprouting abundantly everywhere on my head.  I do what all the other glorious women in this age group do: donate money to Loreal and paint it! I wish I could color it blue, but it ain't the corporate color yet, so can't attempt such silliness.  My mom was also born today. How?  Well, when I was born, she became a mom, right? So, she was born/re-born.  I am in a very overloaded emo mood.  All these years, like a complete fucking chut, I kept lying awake, wishing people on their birthdays. Except 2 sweet women, none, (exceptions are there, who all I can forgive) wished me. I was expecting one person to wish me. Nada. Nothing. I do not exist. Maybe, I deserve this shit, you know. Sidelines. Crap.  No, I don't. I am a fine person, I am pretty, educated, cultured and yes, I have a mind of my own. Why the fuck

After a long time, I was reading my old blog posts. Came across some funny ones. I wondered where all that humor had vanished. Maybe life stole it. Or I lost it when I got down on a platform.  Like Kareena in Jab We Met, I somehow got down at a wrong station and forgot to board my train. I felt lost. A friendly TTR came by and helped me board my train. My seat was empty. Nobody had taken it yet. My stuff was still there, waiting for its owner to lay claim.  The train started running full steam but I could no longer feel the joy in the travel. I felt as If I had left something behind on that station. But, we have crossed over to another state, I cannot go back.  I think, I will go back! 

Hi blog! I have been away for some time. Have been busy. Distracted, should I say.  No apologies for the time I didn't give you.  I will, now. 

I have done it.  I disabled Whatsapp and Facebook.  On my phone.  Deactivated my FB account as well.  Friends asked me, why! I said, I will be back. I don't want to be back.  I want my life back. I want to do Ctrl + Z.  That is why this purge has to work.  I need to get through these few days.  Today, tonight will be the hardest. Withdrawal symptoms et all.  I will come out of this phase also.  Exactly twenty days to go. They say, 21 days maketh a habit.