I left with a heavy heart and a light purse...

Have never felt this way before.

Salary won't get deposited before September. That means I have to live off whatever I have. 
Life has never been rosy, but, suddenly everything seems bleary and dreary. Money was never such a huge issue in my life. Today, I am worried about paying salary to my maid, buying groceries, handling the household expenses for this month. 

Feel sick. 

Feel angry. Anger is directed towards the man who was instrumental in creating this situation. I do not know if he could have done anything or no. But, am sure if he had wanted to, he could have given some nice reason to let me stay till August 31st. I would have got the salary and life would have been rosy.

That was not to be. I had to worry about how to pay my bills and worry about all the mounting expenses! August always does this to me. I hate the month. I hate the number it stands for. 

Whenever this number 8 arrives in my life, my life changes. For the better or worse, I do not know. As they say, it is all a perception. 

How am I to know if the number actually has an effect on my life? Maybe it is all in my head. There are umpteen possibilities. Thousands of explanations. But, not one to explain why it so happens that August or the number 8 always causes changes in my life. 

The seat I occupied before I quit added upto 8. 

When I moved to the seat, I knew time was up. I had this uncanny feeling that my time here was up. I had to pack and move. Literally. 

I am not sad about that. Or maybe I am. A tad. 

I was so much in love. With everything around. I feel as If I was disowned, thrown away, like rubbish. I feel unloved, unwanted. 

Maybe I am foolish. Yes, I am foolish. Silly too. When you grow older you are expected to act with a certain sense of maturity and look your age. At 35, I cannot afford to act like a 25 year old and talk like a 16 year old. I have to become sober. Give advice, look menacing, old, and serious. Giggles are for teenagers not for 35 year old women. 

See, even in my age, the number 8 has cast a shadow! Phew...

       

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