When life gives you a lemon...
When life gives you a lemon...
December 6th, a month went by, without much ado.
I spent an entire month from my life, in shock. Denial was the first reaction, obviously.
Shock, denial, reluctance to accept reality, suspended disbelief, anger, then came grief, terrible sadness enveloping my whole being. Then came acceptance, like the white light descending from the heavens to rid me of my pain.
I spent my time doing mundane household chores: sweeping, mopping, washing utensils, cooking, cleaning...
Doing the chores became an obsession slowly...I would mop till I could see my face on the floor! It hit me then. I was punishing myself for losing out, for not being able to sustain in a despicable situation and being handed a lemon.
Yes, it sounds very romantic when people, from their posh condos in NY write about making lemonade from lemons. But, how painful or how realistic are these expectations?
When you are in a situation like I was in, all I could think about what how I could have changed the course of destiny, how I could change what happened? How does one stop thinking, rather obsessing about this thought: Sigh, how I wish I had done this or that? How I wish, how I wish....It never stops. This constant churning of thoughts, never stops.
It forces you to become depressed, go inside your soul and burn it. You become hollow, shallow, and sick. Mentally and physically too. By the time you realize you have psyched yourself out completely, it is too late.
I took some time to make myself sick, go mad, and then I surfaced. Fresh. Stronger. Realistic. I went through from grief to acceptance, bypassing anger.
Anger always makes me vengeful. Even a stray thought of vengeance made me plot. I even thought up situations. Unbelievably, I spent an entire week concocting stories of how I could work things out to my favor.
I took 2 months to become a new me.
December 6th, a month went by, without much ado.
I spent an entire month from my life, in shock. Denial was the first reaction, obviously.
Shock, denial, reluctance to accept reality, suspended disbelief, anger, then came grief, terrible sadness enveloping my whole being. Then came acceptance, like the white light descending from the heavens to rid me of my pain.
I spent my time doing mundane household chores: sweeping, mopping, washing utensils, cooking, cleaning...
Doing the chores became an obsession slowly...I would mop till I could see my face on the floor! It hit me then. I was punishing myself for losing out, for not being able to sustain in a despicable situation and being handed a lemon.
Yes, it sounds very romantic when people, from their posh condos in NY write about making lemonade from lemons. But, how painful or how realistic are these expectations?
When you are in a situation like I was in, all I could think about what how I could have changed the course of destiny, how I could change what happened? How does one stop thinking, rather obsessing about this thought: Sigh, how I wish I had done this or that? How I wish, how I wish....It never stops. This constant churning of thoughts, never stops.
It forces you to become depressed, go inside your soul and burn it. You become hollow, shallow, and sick. Mentally and physically too. By the time you realize you have psyched yourself out completely, it is too late.
I took some time to make myself sick, go mad, and then I surfaced. Fresh. Stronger. Realistic. I went through from grief to acceptance, bypassing anger.
Anger always makes me vengeful. Even a stray thought of vengeance made me plot. I even thought up situations. Unbelievably, I spent an entire week concocting stories of how I could work things out to my favor.
I took 2 months to become a new me.
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