44 and going strong...

 What is it about age or aging that is so traumatic? Is it the realization that after a certain age, you are automatically expected to conk off. 

I turned 44 today. 

It is a regular day. I would say, it is just another day. Except for strangers and virtual familiar faces wishing me all the goodness in this world. 

Imagine if wishes became true as soon as you say them aloud. 

For some reason I have believed that I will not live beyond 45 years of age. That gives me 1 more year in this world. Sigh. Sad one? Nah. 

Relief. Actually, I am quite ready to take off even today. I have seen enough, done too much...achieved zilch and am tired. 

All these years, somewhere there was a hope that something will work out in the end, making it all a happy ending. But, today, no no, sometime back, it just came to me that nothing is going to change. Nothing. Nobody is going to come for me. 

My reality is going to remain the same. Always. Until I leave. I don't mean leave the situation...I don't want to enter another situation...I just want out. Bas. Am done. 

Am I sounding depressed? Nah. Far from it...am relieved...I have this clarity that things are not meant to be the way I had craved for, yearned for...and whatever you visualize happens...only when it is someone else...Lol. It was so funny when I sat down and laughed...hard. 

No, it is quite hilarious you know...knowing all this yet going on as if life is just normal and all is hunky dory. Bah. 


Comments

  1. Knight10:56 AM

    hmmm know the situation. Been there, and felt it. Now at peace after i reconciled to few things I will never be able to achieve.

    ReplyDelete

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