Trials and Tribulations by Fire

I take a deep breath and believe, life will go on Life does go on... A few bruises here and there, a few tears I shed Life still goes on... There are moments when I wonder what makes me take the pain, what  makes me the weakling I have metamorphosed into what would turn me back into a flesh and blood human being But, I get no answers, nature remains silent, Life goes on... The words flow no longer, the blog remains un-updated The novels sit and wait for the typing to resume Publishers vye for my attention, in my dreams Dreams have dried up too, long back, I know not when But, despite all this, life goes on... My toe hurts badly after last  night's attack The bandage draws attention and out pour the questions Reluctant,  hesitant, and untrue answers bubble forth Honor, they say is to be guarded But, in the midst of it all, life goes on... I know not when the last time it was when I sailed free like a bird, up above, high, with not a thing to bo...

Man is a social animal. Such a pain in the ass it is, to smile and act nice. Phew! Finally the day ended. And with it ended the pressure to be nice, smile at the 'big-heads' (translate to Tamizh) and generally act pleasant. Today began late for me. Got up late, 'coz of the pain in the back, literally. Had no mood to dress up and strut to either the wedding or the get together. I knew meeting oldies at the wedding would be pleasant than being present at the get together. I was so right. I should probably follow my instincts. It always saves me from getting bored to death. I got a few messages from my dear friend who was going to do a Bharatnatyam performance. I was emotionally bound to go attend her performance. Well, I started from the wedding, which in all respects was more interesting, and reached the get together venue, the office. I knew I was overdressed for the event. Women had turned out in denims and 'oh check out my wardrobe' dresses. Men who n...

Recently, I was sent to Thanjavur, on an official trip. I was supposed to learn the ropes of the trade and understand it quickly. I had companions, let me call them VK and DJ. We had some fun times, travelling to and from our cozy, comfortable hotel and the branch in a remote corner of a sparsely populated village. I treated it as an excursion. An adventure. Away from the house, the job of running a household. I was free and I was loving it. Every moment felt so exhilarating. I was supposed to spend a week there. Then return to the HQ, learn some more tricks and return to Thanjavur. Well, the 2nd leg of the supposed travel has not happened yet. Let us see, when I am sent again. Anyway, this post is not about my planned travel. It is about my last trip. When DJ and I ended up undertaking an impromptu adventure to a famous temple in Thirukarukavur. Thirukarukavur is a village in Thanjavur district. Read about the famous Garbharakshambigai temple here . So, one fine day, DJ...

Each time I step out, I do so in trepidation. 'Coz stepping out ain't a simple task. Presumably, I need to keep in mind hundred and one people who can feel bad about me stepping out. The need to take permission and ensure the permission lasts for a long time is so very sapping. With the memory loss kicking in big time, I wonder if I can just switch off and on and simply delete these not-so-sweet events. It is important to remember that whatever you do, you will always be the villain. Because, the womb that gave you birth was not the great one. A normal womb demands a normal or less than normal life. If you think you can lead a royal life and get a normal treatment, you are in for some rough tumbles. Remember always that people will want you to become a robot just because you are not 'supposed' to have a mind. Take the case of Ramu. Ramu, our protagonist. Now, Ramu, is what one can call a jerk. Doesn't have balls to stand up for anyone, least of all himself. So,...

September 22 to 28, 2013 I started my journey to Thanjavur, with a heavy heart. I had little interest to go so far for a week. I was feeling so terrible as if I had been given a Kaala Paani ka sazaa. Anyway, I packed my stuff and reached the station.  When I reached T, I was beginning to feel better. I had to do it. I decided I better do it well. So, I made a plan of things I wanted to achieve in the next 5 days. I had googled and identified some places I wanted to visit.  Primarily, I wanted to visit temples in and around Thanjavur and get a feel of the place. On most days, I switched the GPS option on my phone on and wandered through the streets of Thanjavur. I managed not to get lost. I reached the hotel, in one piece.       I went to the Big temple and wandered around for a bit. I had gone with a colleague, Lekha (name changed).  First day, we landed up at the head office in the midst of the bustling town of Thanjavur. A balding COO with a sl...

I am going to Thanjavur, yet again.  Never thought I will go there, so soon. But, this time I will stay for a longer time and return next week. I am not very thrilled. I have a lot of work to do. I am planning to sight see too. I promise, this time, I will take nice pictures of the Big Temple. :)  

Grew up listening to Kishore Kumar, Mohd. Rafi and listening to impromptu adda sessions on the neighborhood tapri. Have heard and wondered how people could talk so much. Not that I dont like to wag my tongue. I am tending towards being a megalomaniac, probably worse. Dunno what can be worse!  Anyway, of late, I have changed my outlook and have changed a few things in my life. First thing being, my way of reacting to people and stuff that I am not comfortable with.  I am in a new setting now. I like it.  Being caught in a rut suffocates me. I need to feel the vibrant energy of my earlier life again. I need to go back to being the person I was, when I migrated from the East. I had never imagined that I would settle down in Chennai, of all places. I had thought of Bangalore, never Chennai.  So, when I came to this new city, I was kind of thrilled, to be part of a new environment. But, at the same time, I had a deep contempt for the place. Several incidents kept...

Have always cringed whenever I heard my north indian acquaintances address tamils as 'kale kaloote madrasi', 'madrasiyon jaisi', or even 'ghaas foos khane waale madrasi' and so on. I grew up in Durgapur, West Bengal and did not consider myself a 'pure-bred' Tamil. I settled in Chennai back in 2002 and allowed myself time to take in the culture, environment, and food habits. Though I am not a great lover of Chennai but I do take strong offense when people talk ill about the Tamils.  Maybe the Tamil in me is offended. Let me cite a few instances:  An acquaintance often would crib about the lack of opportunities for her to get married. She claims that if she had been living in a place like Delhi or Punjab, she would have been snapped up, just like that. I have certain observations regarding that claim. I think to get snapped up, an eligible girl or a boy needs to have many more capabilities than simply being fair! This...

In a small village near Tanjore, in a non-descript house, a girl sat on a small moda, squirming, as she was subjected to a detailed scrutiny by a bunch of old hags and a man. The man wore spectacles, was in his late twenties and had no hair, or receding hair. The girl had just turned twenty one and had to be married off lest the society jeer at her parents for not performing their duty. The wedding date was fixed. The girl still hadn't mustered the courage to see the face of the man she would spend her life with. Good girls from good families didn't ogle at men. Certainly not at a man they were going to take as their Lord and Master. The girl and the man got married. He wasted no effort or time to deflower her. In a few months she got pregnant and delivered a health baby boy also. Now, her status in society rose. She became the 'saubhagyavati' who had everything in life. A husband, a son, and a fair skin. The girl, now a woman, had flawless fair skin. The man...

Have never felt this way before. Salary won't get deposited before September. That means I have to live off whatever I have.  Life has never been rosy, but, suddenly everything seems bleary and dreary. Money was never such a huge issue in my life. Today, I am worried about paying salary to my maid, buying groceries, handling the household expenses for this month.  Feel sick.  Feel angry. Anger is directed towards the man who was instrumental in creating this situation. I do not know if he could have done anything or no. But, am sure if he had wanted to, he could have given some nice reason to let me stay till August 31st. I would have got the salary and life would have been rosy. That was not to be. I had to worry about how to pay my bills and worry about all the mounting expenses! August always does this to me. I hate the month. I hate the number it stands for.  Whenever this number 8 arrives in my life, my life changes...